I hate Christ-mas...so I watch these!

Every year after Halloween (or whenever they decide to start hyping Xmas, seems sooner every year) I get depressed. Not a serious drunkard depression but more like an emotional sigh.

"HHHHuuuuuhhh...Christmas is coming."

I understand why human beings find it necessary to have holidays in the winter. If we didn't it would be even more depressing than it already is, trust me...there would be way more suicides without them.

Thanksgiving is gross but I can tolerate it. This year I watched "Carnal Knowledge" with one of my best friends and ate a lot of amazing Greek food at his parents house. We got hammered and went for a drive whilst smoking cigars. I put on Huey Lewis' Sports and we cruised the streets of the shopping mall that is Marietta.

Christmas is only 11 days away and I feel so icky. Creeped out. The aesthetics of Christmas alone are totally repellent to me. I CAN NOT stand the music (my mom used to subject my sister and I to Manheim Steamroller's "Christmas") or the majority of Xmas inspired artwork that's around. I get grossed out by the "aw shucks" feel of the whole month of December.

"Wow, what a fucking whiner this guy is."

Yes, you are correct, I am whining. BUT one of the newly found things I now enjoy about Xmas (besides not working and smoking a lot of pot around the holidays) are the MOVIES! Not "Miracle on 34th St." or "It's A Wonderful Life" or any positive portrayal of Xmas. No...A nice little collection of the only films I can tolerate during these few weeks.

These films make me feel better about the whole affair. Something nice to remind me that for every forced smile and shopping mall sale there's also people who dress up like Santa and go on killing sprees. Mind you I don't enjoy the idea of actual murder, I just like balance, that's all. So without wasting anymore space here are some truly GREAT (and fun) Christmas films to watch.

1. Christmas Evil (Lewis Jackson)

2. Gremlins (Joe Dante)

3. Die Hard (John McTiernan)

4. Silent Night, Deadly Night (Charles E. Sellier Jr.)
5. Bad Santa (Terry Zwigoff)
6. Black Christmas (Bob Clark)
7. Child's Play (Tom Holland)
8. Night Train Murders (Aldo Lado)
9. Rambo: First Blood (Ted Kotcheff)
10. Lethal Weapon (Richard Donner)
11. The Ref (Ted Demme)

12. The Ice Storm (Ang Lee)

13. Less Than Zero (Marek Kanievska)